Kitchen Mishaps
by QueenOfTheYaoi
Summary: After a mission goes wrong and Xaldin can't cook dinner, he asks Zexion to do it for him.  And of course, Demyx and Roxas are eager to help.  Friendship ZexionRoxasDemyx, Roxas and Demyx screwing stuff up.  :3


Zexion blinked at the three men standing in front of him. Well…technically only one was standing. The other two were unconscious and being carried. Xaldin sighed.

"I apologize, VI." He said in a solemn tone. Zexion raised an eyebrow.

"Alright…an explanation would be greatly appreciated at this point…."

"II, X, and I were sent to explore the Black Pearl. The captain was running his mouth about no one being able to outdrink him. And of course, these two just _had_ to consider it a challenge." Zexion looked at the two men currently flung over Xaldin's shoulders. Xigbar was outcold, while Luxord was giggling like an idiot and mumbling something about 'Yo ho ho and a bottle of Rum'. Xaldin shot the blonde a glare. "These two imbeciles beat the cocky bastard at the very least. But now they are, pardon my French, a few dumps beyond wasted."

"And it didn't cross your mind to stop them?"

"Personally, I believe if you dig your grave, you sleep in it. Although, I did _attempt_ to make them behave. Didn't work in the slightest." Zexion groaned.

"Obviously not."

"Erm, yes, well…I need a favor, VI."

"Such as?"

"I don't trust these two not to destroy the castle when they're _sober_, let alone stone cold drunk." Zexion nodded in silent agreement. "So I will watch them until the alcohol is out of their system. But that leaves me little time for cooking…" Xaldin was actually the best chef in the castle, despite his masculine appearance. Vexen and Xion were good cooks also, but Vexen was doing research in the lab today and Xion was on a mission. So the only person left in the castle that had culinary skill without the risk of damaging the surrounding area was Zexion.

"So you want me to cook dinner tonight so you can keep these two drunken fools from hurting themselves, someone else, or the castle?" The bluenette asked, just to confirm what Xaldin was saying.

"Exactly. And again, I apologize for the short notice." Zexion raised a hand in a motion to wave off Xaldin's apology.

"No need to apologize, III. Just keep them from wandering about the castle and I'll take care of the food."

"Thank you, VI."

"You're welcome." Xaldin walked off, Xigbar and Luxord both now awake and singing 'A Pirate's Life is the Life for me'. As the black haired man disappeared from sight around a corner, two blondes appeared in his place.

"Aww, poor Xaldie. I feel bad for him…" Demyx said, walking down the hall towards Zexion. Roxas nodded.

"Yeah, I feel bad for _anyone_ who gets paired up with Xigbar or Luxord and sent to the Black Pearl." He agreed. The blondes walked up to Zexion, who was lost in thought as to what to cook. "Hey Zexy." Hearing the nickname snapped him out of his trance. He shot Roxas a small glare, summoning his Lexicon and tapping the blonde's forehead with it.

"What did you call me?" He asked, annoyed smirk on his lips. Roxas gulped.

"Right. Zexion. Sorry."

"Good boy." Zexion said, his book disappearing in a cloud of black smoke. He patted the blonde's head, as if praising a puppy. Roxas growled at him. Demyx giggled at them.

"What're you doing?" The tallest asked. It was rare to find Zexion wandering the corridors of The Castle That Never Was. He was usually in his bedroom, in the lab with Vexen, or in the library with Roxas.

"Trying to figure out what to cook." Replied the bluenette, dawning a thinking face as he walked towards the kitchen. The blondes looked at each other and smiled.

"We wanna help!" They said eagerly, following Zexion. Zexion didn't even stop to look in their direction.

"Absolutely not." Demyx slumped over at the waist in an exaggerated act of disappointment.

"Awww, why nooooot?" The sitarist whined. Zexion rolled his eyes.

"I don't trust you around a stove." Demyx pouted and Roxas snickered. Zexion looked over his shoulder at the keyblader. "Nor you, XIII." Now Roxas pouted.

"Why can't we help? How else are you gonna cook something for thirteen people in two hours?" Zexion stopped in his tracks and sighed.

"You two aren't going to leave me in peace until I let you assist me, will you?" The blondes smirked.

"Nope, not at all." They synchronized. Zexion sighed again and continued to walk.

"…Fine, insufferable idiots…" Demyx and Roxas looked at each other, smiled victoriously and high fived, following Zexion into the kitchen. Just inside the kitchen, Zexion turned to look at the other two members. He looked over them and pointed towards the door they had just walked through. "Go get aprons." Demyx and Roxas raised an eyebrow at him, and the bluenette was attacked by the urge to slap the back of their heads. They're _aprons_. Why else would you need them? "They're so you won't get dirty, now go put them on." The blondes looked at each other and shrugged, walking out of the kitchen and off to find aprons. They returned about five minutes later, Demyx wearing an apron that had a mermaid's body on it, his head above the mermaid's neck. Roxas was wearing an orange-ish apron that said "BURN BABY BURN" in flaming red letters, which he'd actually borrowed (stolen) from Axel's room because he didn't have one of his own. Both Demyx and Zexion stared at it.

"What?" He said in a slightly embarrassed tone. Zexion shook his head.

"I won't even ask." The bluenette replied calmly.

"Y'know what we're making yet?" Demyx asked. Zexion got lost in his thoughts again.

"…Chili?" He answered, a bit unsure as to if it would work. The sitarist raised an eyebrow.

"Chilly? Nah, I'm fine. Why, are you?" Zexion was silent for a few moments. He facepalmed himself.

"Not chilly as in being cold, _chili_. The _food_, IX." Demyx blinked at his superior before he realized what he meant.

"Ohhhhhh, _that_ kind of chili…" Roxas smiled.

"That sounds good. Can we have it with rice, too?"

"I don't see why not." The bluenette replied, mentally running through the ingredients he would need. He pulled a wooden spoon out of a drawer and tapped it idly against the palm of his hand as he thought. Once he was sure they already had everything they would need, he pointed to Roxas with the scoop part of the spoon. "XIII, go get a pot. About…yay big." He said, using the spoon and his other hand to make a vertical gap about a foot and a half wide. The bluenette then turned to the mullhawk blonde. "IX, we need chili powder. A lot of it. Go to the pantry and get it, along with the garlic powder and sea salt."

"Yes sir, Mister Zexion, sir!" They said, giving the bluenette salutes and running off, Roxas to the cabinet of pots, and Demyx to the pantry. Zexion pulled out a cutting board and a knife, beginning to chop peppers and such. Roxas scurried back to the kitchen, now holding a large silver pot in his hands. Zexion took it and put it on a stove burner.

"Perfect, XIII. I need you to go back and get me another-"

_CRASH_!

The boys heard a loud crash that made them both jump, Roxas even shrieking a bit.

"Oh my gods, what was _that_?" The blonde asked, glancing around nervously for anything that could have made the noise. Zexion pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'm not sure what _that_ was, but if we find _IX_, I bet we'll find out."

Demyx furrowed his brow and silently wished he was either really tall, had really long arms, or The Castle That Never Was would get smaller shelves.

On the very top shelf of the spice rack was the bottle of chili powder that Zexion asked for. The blonde scratched his temple and ran through his options. The shelves were a good twenty feet high. Jumping definitely wouldn't do anything. He could use a ladder…but not only did he not know where to get one, he still wasn't sure if that'd work. He could leave and tell Zexion that they didn't have any, but of course Zexion would find out, and he might get upset about it. Besides, he was too good natured to lie. He could cast aero on himself and float up to the ceiling, grabbing the bottle as he sank down. But that would involve casting magic, which involves work. Plus, it'd probably be painful. Or he could always just climb the shelves, get the ingredient, and climb down again. Deciding the last idea would be easiest and bring the least harm in the long run, the blonde got a good grip and foothold on the shelves and began climbing.

He was about fifteen feet off the ground, and just about arm's length below the bottle of red powder. Demyx reached for it and narrowly missed it. Reaching again, he managed to push it further back with the tip of his middle finger. The blonde growled and gave a little jump, grabbing the bottle and smirking victoriously.

That is, until his foot missed the shelf it had been perched on.

"Waugh!" Demyx dropped the bottle to the floor to hang onto the shelf with both hands. He saved himself from an initial fall, but it was too late. The spice rack tipped forward…

_CRASH!_

…and hit the floor with a loud crash, scattering bottles of various spices across the floor and pinning Demyx beneath it. Zexion and Roxas ran into the pantry and stared at the sitarist, who was squirming underneath the weight of the shelf.

"It was a simple task, IX…" The bluenette noted, slightly amused but mostly annoyed by the older blonde's actions. The two boys managed to lift the shelf upright again. Demyx propped himself upright on his elbows and rubbed the back of his head.

"Ugh…What hit me?" Just then noticing the presence of the other two members, Demyx grinned sheepishly. Still on the floor, he grabbed the bottle of powder and handed it up to Zexion. "Got the chili powder." The boys blinked at him and pinched the bridge of their noses, sighing in unison.

.o.O.o.

Zexion stood over the silver pot, stirring the brown mixture of meat, beans, veggies and spices. Roxas peered into the pot and grinned.

"It smells good. Can I eat it now?" He said, trying to reach a finger in and sample the chili. Zexion smacked his hand with the wooden spoon.

"First, it isn't done yet, so _kindly_ keep your mitts off. And second, if you _were_ to taste it, you wouldn't use your fingers. The chili is _hot_, idiot. Finger plus hot chili equals a rather painful burn." Roxas pouted and rubbed his hand as if the spoon had actually been meant to hurt him.

"Aww, you're so mean, Zexy…" Zexion glared at the smaller blonde.

"Keep calling me that and I assure you, you _will_ see me mean." Roxas gulped in fake fear.

"I'm shaking." Before Zexion could make a smart remark, Demyx groaned. He had been banished to the corner of the kitchen and told not to move under penalty of no dinner, Zexion's version of a time out. And just to add insult to injury, the bluenette had also made the sitarist wear a dunce cap, much to Roxas's amusement and Demyx's chagrin.

"Can I please get outta here now? I'm sorry I knocked over the spice rack, and I still wanna help!" Demyx whined. He was really bored, just watching the two boys scuttle about with various odds and ends that were used to make the chili. Zexion and Roxas looked at each other and shrugged.

"One more chance, IX." Zexion said calmly. He didn't really trust the taller blonde's kitchen abilities anymore. But everyone deserved an attempt at redemption, he supposed. Demyx smiled widely and jumped out of his stool in the corner, throwing off the dunce cap and running up to hug Zexion.

"YAY! Thanks, Zexy!" Zexion growled at the sitarist. Demyx let the bluenette go and backed up a few feet. "Alrighty, so what can I do?" Zexion walked to the pot, gesturing for Demyx to follow.

"The chili is almost done. We just need to boil out some of the water. So keep stirring it until it starts to bubble, alright?"

"Yezzir!" Demyx said, grabbing the spoon sticking out of the pot and automatically stirring it. Zexion nodded.

"Yes, exactly. Just don't scrape the bottom." Zexion turned to Roxas. "I'll go set the table. I trust you'll supervise him?"

"Sure, I got him." Roxas replied with a nod.

"Good. Call me when it boils." The bluenette said as he turned to leave. He walked into the dining hall to prep it, leaving the two blondes alone. In the kitchen. With the cooking chili.

Never a good idea.

Fifteen minutes past and the chili hadn't bubbled yet. Demyx raised an eyebrow.

"Roxy, when is this thing supposed to boil?" Roxas looked at the blonde, then at the pot, then at the clock on the stove. He stood up and peered into the pot.

"Huh. I think it shoulda boiled by now."

"So what do we do?" Roxas put a finger to his chin.

"…Turn up the heat?" He said, reaching and turning the knob for the burner the pot was on up a couple of notches. Within moments, the pot began to make odd noises. And within a minute, a large bubble had domed over the top of the pot. Roxas and Demyx stared at it.

"Are the bubbles supposed to be that big…?" Demyx asked. He looked at the doorway to see if Zexion was anywhere in sight, a tiny bit afraid he'd be put in the corner again. Roxas blinked in confusion.

"Um…n-no, Demy, they're not…"

"Well then why is it like that?"

"Beats the crap outta me."

"…Should we pop it?" Roxas shrugged.

"It's just a bubble. It can't do too much harm, right?" He asked innocently. He reached for Zexion's wooden spoon, using it's handle to poke at the chili bubble.

_POP!_

The bubble popped and coated the surrounding area with bits of chili. Demyx and Roxas blinked at each other, their faces now coated in the chili as well. Roxas ran a finger over Demyx's cheek and stuck it in his mouth.

"Tasty. _Messy_, but tasty." The smaller blonde noted, giggling quietly.

"IX! XIII! What have you _done_?" Zexion yelled from the doorway, eyes wide as he stared at the chaos the blondes had made of the kitchen and themselves. Zexion walked slowly in their direction, an angered look in his eyes. Demyx and Roxas looked at each other and gulped thickly.

.o.O.o.

"Mmm, delicious, VI. You should have told us you could cook." Saix remarked, reaching for his third helping of chili and rice. Xion giggled.

"Really yummy, Zexion. Can you teach me how to make it?" Zexion nodded.

"Thank you, and I suppose so." He answered contently. The spice rack was back in place with the spices back on them, the kitchen was spotless once again, and everything was peaceful for the time being. Just then, Luxord and Xigbar stumbled into the room, looking very hung over.

"Ah, food…something to eat sounds marvelous about now…" Luxord said, his eyes immediately resting on the pot of chili and rice. Xigbar's eyes, however, rested on something else.

"Dude, why are Dem Dem and Roxy tied up and wearing dunce caps?" The freeshooter asked, jabbing one thumb at Roxas and the other at Demyx, both of which were tied in their chairs and wearing pointed hats. The blondes groaned in unison.

"Punishment…" They said in a solemn tone. Demyx whimpered and struggled against his bindings.

"Zexion, untie me right now! I'm hungry!" He said, trying to reach the bowl of chili sitting in front of him using just his neck. Roxas just gave a loud sigh. Xemnas raised an eyebrow.

"And how did this come about?" Zexion snickered softly.

"A long story, Superior."

.o.O.o.

A/N- This is what happens when you make chili with your dad for like five hours straight. Spent the whole time thinking about what the KH characters would do in that situation, which led to this little plot bunny. Alrighty, onto more important matters. An update of my poll for the most popular KH characters. In first, a tie between Roxas and Demyx! Second, a tie between Sora and Zexion! And Axel, the crazy pyromaniac, in third! Yeah, I know, I was shocked too. XD I think I'm gonna keep that poll open permanently and give updates in my stories. Please take the poll if you haven't already, and please review! Cookies to all who do! Oh, and flames will be used to power my flamethrower so I can go burn Saix's stuff with Axel. :3

Axel: Third? How the hell can I be third? Beaten by a lazy-ass, a little brat, and a fem-physique emo! Roxy I can understand, but really?

Sora: Little brat? I'm fourteen!

Axel: And physically I'm like 23, so you're a little brat to me!

Demyx: I'm not a lazy-ass…

Axel and Zexion: Yes you are.

Axel: You won't do your missions cuz you're afraid of getting hurt.

Demyx: That's not Laziness, that's self preservation!

Roxas: …Wow. I'm just gonna stay out of this one. (walks away)

Zexion: Fem-physique emo? Really?

Axel: Yes! You got that I don't give a shit emo attitude and hair, and a girlish figure!

Zexion: And you have long hair and hips.

Axel: …That's not the point! (Pouts and puts his hands on his hips)

Zexion: …I rest my case.

A/N- lol a little side story about how I think the cast would react to their rankings. Sorry if it annoyed you, but I couldn't resist. X3


End file.
